Thanks Revisited

I have what feels like one million thoughts running around in side my head tonight. I know they all have something to do with each other and are some how all connected and linked, but I have no idea how to express that all here. I am afraid if I were to blurt them all out they would come out disjointed, vague, and confusing.

But I will try to share at lest a few. 

So often lately I feel filled a desire to serve, and yet I feel as if I have no outlet. I crave a ministry opportunity of some sort and yet I have no idea how to fulfill that. This leads to a whole other set of questions that maybe some day I will have to guts to address, but that is not the purpose of this post.

A year ago Josh was at a job that we had hated. For years we had prayed for another opportunity. We had begged God to open doors and lead us some where else. We pleaded, we prayed, we fasted. And nothing. In the midst of a particulary trying period I was reading a book "One Thousand Gifts." The book touched me deeply. I shared a passage with my husband about thanksgiving. The author of the book pointed out time and time again where Christ gave thanks before preforming a miracle. The phrase "Christ gave thanks... and then the miracle." Stuck with us deeply. Josh stopped fasting and instead started thanking God for a job when so many around us were loosing theirs. A week later he had a job offer. I do not believe that gratitude is a magic spell that will get us whatever we want. But I do believe God used that experience to teach my husband a lot about thanksgiving.

So how does all of this connect? I am not entirely sure. But I know as I stood in my kitchen tonight, washing dishes, hashing through my thoughts, and trying to work through them with my husband I came to a place of rest. No real answers, no real conclusion, but a place of peace perhaps.

A year ago God taught me that gratitude always comes before the miracle.

But I think that's just the introduction. I think the real lesson is that gratitude is the miracle.

Being able to live with the unanswered questions. Being at peace with the things that don't make sense.  Looking at the things in your life that hurt beyond expression, and still being able to give thanks. As my friend Mary put it today, that is the abundant life.

Our Ebenezer Wall.

Writing last night's post made me think about a conversation my husband and I have been having a lot lately. We live in a smallish college town. As a result we live in an area filled with flux. Most of the people here won't be here for long. Our town is just a stop in their journey to some where else. A step towards their "real" life.

We all have those places in our lives either physically (college) or simply a stage in life (parent to a toddler) that can make it easy to feel like we are simply in a holding pattern. We are putting in our time till we get get onto what we are going to do with the rest of our lives.

This is the excuse we so often give for not dealing with things NOW (i.e. why we don't brush the tangles out nightly).

I'll get involved in ministry when I finished my bachelor's (master's, doctorate).

I'll get back into the habit of having a daily quite time when my baby sleeps through the night.

We'll save for the future once we pay off a few more bills.

We'll give to church once we have a little more in savings.

I'll write that letter to my grandma once my desk is cleared off.

It is so easy to find reasons to slip into a holding pattern. As a young mother I am often told that "this is just as season." A true phrase that can bring much comfort but can also be twisted into an excuse not to live the life God has called me to.

A year or two ago Josh (my husband) and I were visiting my dad's church in Maryland. My dad gave a great sermon on Jacob wrestling with the angel. The refrain my dad kept sharing over and over was "God was there, and Jacob didn't know it" or "God was here and I almost missed it". He challenged the congregation to be aware to remember that God is in the small, every day, random moments. He challenged us not to miss that.

The phrase "God is here" has become an "Ebenezer phrases" in our house. Along with "grace and manna" and a few others it is a phrase the reminds us something. In this case reminds us to be present. To deal with what God has put in front of us that day. To engage. To live our life now. And not wait for tomorrow.

To volunteer for a service project even if the calendar may feel a little bit full.
To give when our hearts lead us, even in our minds say the bank account is to empty. 
To have the couple from church over, even if the house is a mess and the meal is simple.
To write has been laid on my heart, even if the topic seems to complicated.

God is there. In every circumstance in our lives. The question is... are we?

Tangled Hair and Tangled Lives

My 4 year old daughter has a head full of hair. It is half way down her back and when it is washed and brushed it falls in these perfect beautiful ringlets. It is absolutely gorgeous and at least once a week I threaten to cut it all off.

See Abi hates  to have her hair brushed. She has since she was small. It's actually a family joke. When she was about 18 months I learned that if she was demanding my attention and I need a few more minutes to completely a task I simply had to ask if she wanted me to brush her hair and she would run and hide for a good ten minutes allowing me to finish up whatever I was doing.

Brushing her hair really isn't that bad. If we brush it nightly and add some de-tangling spray it takes only moments and is a minor inconvenience. However, she puts up such a fuss that more night than I would like to admit to I allow her to go to bed with whatever debris and tangles are in their from the day. I will let it go until I simply cannot allow her to seen in public with the rats nest that claims to be her hair. It then takes a good 15 minutes, and many tears, threats, and often unkind words spoken on her part (and some times mine) to get her back to being presentable.

My 4 year is not to be blamed. She is a child, I am the adult. I am the parent and authority. If her hair isn't brushed it's because I don't want to deal with a two minute inconvenience at the end of my day. The result however is a much large problem at the end of the week.

The same could be said of my spiritual life. How often does my indifference to the "small" things in my life lead to major issues. Some one speaks a thoughtless word and instead of going to God with my hurt feelings I stuff them in the corner of my mind allowing them to grow into a rats nest of bitterness.

In a moment of weariness I speak unkind words to my husband. Not wanting to deal with the "inconvenience" of humbling myself and seeking forgiveness for a few words I distance myself from him. Not dealing with a minor issue can allow a wall to grow resulting in a lack of intimacy.

A simple lie can grow into a habit of deceit that can ruin a life.

Not dealing quickly with minor temptations can allow them to grow and lead to addictions that are painful and time consuming to turn from. 

Keeping short accounts, confessing sin daily, dealing with the "small things" can save a lot of hurt and pain. And brushing your hair nightly is a good habit as well! :)