Thanks Revisited

I have what feels like one million thoughts running around in side my head tonight. I know they all have something to do with each other and are some how all connected and linked, but I have no idea how to express that all here. I am afraid if I were to blurt them all out they would come out disjointed, vague, and confusing.

But I will try to share at lest a few. 

So often lately I feel filled a desire to serve, and yet I feel as if I have no outlet. I crave a ministry opportunity of some sort and yet I have no idea how to fulfill that. This leads to a whole other set of questions that maybe some day I will have to guts to address, but that is not the purpose of this post.

A year ago Josh was at a job that we had hated. For years we had prayed for another opportunity. We had begged God to open doors and lead us some where else. We pleaded, we prayed, we fasted. And nothing. In the midst of a particulary trying period I was reading a book "One Thousand Gifts." The book touched me deeply. I shared a passage with my husband about thanksgiving. The author of the book pointed out time and time again where Christ gave thanks before preforming a miracle. The phrase "Christ gave thanks... and then the miracle." Stuck with us deeply. Josh stopped fasting and instead started thanking God for a job when so many around us were loosing theirs. A week later he had a job offer. I do not believe that gratitude is a magic spell that will get us whatever we want. But I do believe God used that experience to teach my husband a lot about thanksgiving.

So how does all of this connect? I am not entirely sure. But I know as I stood in my kitchen tonight, washing dishes, hashing through my thoughts, and trying to work through them with my husband I came to a place of rest. No real answers, no real conclusion, but a place of peace perhaps.

A year ago God taught me that gratitude always comes before the miracle.

But I think that's just the introduction. I think the real lesson is that gratitude is the miracle.

Being able to live with the unanswered questions. Being at peace with the things that don't make sense.  Looking at the things in your life that hurt beyond expression, and still being able to give thanks. As my friend Mary put it today, that is the abundant life.